{"id":5593,"date":"2015-06-03T18:00:05","date_gmt":"2015-06-03T16:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/?p=5593"},"modified":"2015-06-02T14:52:31","modified_gmt":"2015-06-02T12:52:31","slug":"anekdotes-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/?p=5593","title":{"rendered":"Anekdotes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Piedz\u0113ries v\u012brietis iestreipu\u013co bazn\u012bc\u0101 un dodas iek\u0161\u0101 gr\u0113ks\u016bdzes b\u016bdi\u0146\u0101. M\u0101c\u012bt\u0101js aps\u0113\u017eas b\u016bdi\u0146as sienas otr\u0101 pus\u0113 un gaida gr\u0113ks\u016bdzi, bet dz\u0113r\u0101js klus\u0113. P\u0113c p\u0101ris min\u016bt\u0113m m\u0101c\u012bt\u0101js z\u012bm\u012bgi noklepojas, bet reakcijas nek\u0101das. Visbeidzot vi\u0146\u0161 k\u013c\u016bst nepaciet\u012bgs un pieklauv\u0113 pie sienas, kas \u0161\u0137ir abas kab\u012bnes. Dz\u0113r\u0101js nu beidzot ierun\u0101jas: \u201cNo klauv\u0113\u0161anas nek\u0101da labuma neb\u016bs! \u0160aj\u0101 pus\u0113 ar\u012b tualetes pap\u012bra nav!\u201d
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\n\u2013 Cik sirre\u0101listu ir nepiecie\u0161ams, lai nomain\u012btu spuldz\u012bti?
\n\u2013 Zivs.
\n\u2013 Cik marksistu ir nepiecie\u0161ams, lai nomain\u012btu spuldz\u012bti?
\n\u2013 Neviens. Ikvien\u0101 spuldz\u0113 pa\u0161\u0101 m\u012bt savas revol\u016bcijas s\u0113klas.
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\n\u0160ie ir mani principi. Ja jums tie nepat\u012bk \u2013 man ir citi.
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\nMans lab\u0101kais draugs reiz s\u016bdz\u0113j\u0101s: \u201cNu nevaru es apg\u016bt to britu akcentu. Sasod\u012bts, katru reizi, kad m\u0113\u0123inu, es izklausos p\u0113c pakist\u0101\u0146a!\u201d Es vi\u0146am atbild\u0113ju: \u201cTev vienk\u0101r\u0161i vair\u0101k j\u0101tren\u0113jas, Tarik.\u201d
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\nDivas lauvas pastaig\u0101jas pa superm\u0101rketa ej\u0101m. Viens lauva saka otram: \u201cTe gan \u0161odien kluss, ne?\u201d
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\nEs \u0161odien piezvan\u012bju savam advok\u0101tam un pras\u012bju: \u201cVai varu jums uzdot divus jaut\u0101jumus?\u201d Vi\u0146\u0161 man atbild\u0113ja: \u201cUn k\u0101ds b\u016btu otrais jaut\u0101jums?\u201d
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\nV\u012brie\u0161i, kam ir auskari vai p\u012brsingi, ir vair\u0101k gatavi laul\u012bbai nek\u0101 tie, kam auskaru vai p\u012brsingu nav, \u2013 jo vi\u0146i ir pieredz\u0113ju\u0161i s\u0101pes un pirku\u0161i d\u0101rglietas.
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\n\u0160erloks: \u2013 L\u016bdzu, Vatson, jauka, karsta kr\u016bze kafijas.
\nVatsons: \u2013 T\u0101 ir auksta.
\n\u0160erloks: \u2013 Jauka kr\u016bze kafijas.
\nVatsons: \u2013 Bet t\u0101 ir \u0161\u0137ebino\u0161a!
\n\u0160erloks: \u2013 Kr\u016bze kafijas.
\nVatsons: \u2013 Es pat neesmu p\u0101rliecin\u0101ts, vai sauktu to par kafiju!
\n\u0160erloks: \u2013 Kr\u016bze\u2026
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\nMans t\u0113vs ir \u012brs, bet mana m\u0101te \u2013 ir\u0101niete, kas noz\u012bm\u0113, ka visas \u0123imenes br\u012bvdienas pavad\u012bj\u0101m muit\u0101.
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\nPuisis un meitene s\u0113\u017e uz mola un dzer alu. Visbeidzot p\u0113c gara un dzi\u013cdom\u012bga klusuma br\u012b\u017ea puisis piesmaku\u0161\u0101 bals\u012b saka: \u201cEs tevi m\u012blu.\u201d Meitene ko\u0137eti vaic\u0101: \u201cVai to man saki tu vai run\u0101 alkohols?\u201d Puisis atbild: \u201cDieva d\u0113\u013c, to es saku alum!\u201d
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\n\u2013 J\u0101ni, kad tev nozaga kred\u012btkarti, k\u0101p\u0113c tu nezvan\u012bji bankai un to nepazi\u0146oji?
\n\u2013 K\u0101 es var\u0113ju zin\u0101t, ka kred\u012btkarte ir nozagta? Zaglis t\u0113r\u0113ja maz\u0101k nek\u0101 mana sieva!
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\nT\u0113vs ap\u0146emas, ka d\u0113lam jau no mazotnes iem\u0101c\u012bs, k\u0101du postu cilv\u0113kam var nodar\u012bt alkohols. Vi\u0146\u0161 pa\u0146em gl\u0101zi \u016bdens, gl\u0101zi viskija, katr\u0101 ieliek dz\u012bvu t\u0101rpu un par\u0101da to d\u0113lam. N\u0101kamaj\u0101 dien\u0101 t\u0101rps, kas bija ielikts viskija gl\u0101z\u0113, ir miris, kam\u0113r t\u0101rps \u016bdens gl\u0101z\u0113 v\u0113l ir dz\u012bvs. T\u0113vs pasauc d\u0113lu un vaic\u0101:
\n\u2013 Nu, d\u0113ls, ko tu no t\u0101 vari secin\u0101t?
\n\u2013 Ja es dzer\u0161u viskiju, man neb\u016bs t\u0101rpu!
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\nBrits kr\u0101pj sievu ar sekret\u0101ri. K\u0101du dienu, kad brits sekret\u0101ri bija aizvedis uz sav\u0101m m\u0101j\u0101m, vi\u0146\u0161 ar \u0161ausm\u0101m dzird, ka atveras m\u0101jas durvis\u00a0\u2013 sieva p\u0101ragri p\u0101rradusies no darba. Brits pav\u0113l m\u012b\u013c\u0101kajai pa\u0146emt vi\u0146a kurpes, sasm\u0113r\u0113t d\u0101rz\u0101 ar zemi, atnest atpaka\u013c un b\u0113gt prom pa balkona durv\u012bm. M\u012b\u013c\u0101k\u0101, par sp\u012bti apjukumam, dara, k\u0101 pras\u012bts, un aizb\u0113g. P\u0113c mirk\u013ca sieva ien\u0101k istab\u0101 un aizdom\u012bgi prasa: \u201cKo tu dari gult\u0101\u2026 piecos vakar\u0101?\u201d Brits atbild: \u201cM\u012b\u013c\u0101, es tev nesp\u0113ju vairs ilg\u0101k melot\u2026 Es tevi kr\u0101pju, man ir attiec\u012bbas ar sekret\u0101ri.\u201d Ta\u010du tad sieva pamana ar zemi nosm\u0113r\u0113t\u0101s kurpes un uzvaro\u0161i iesaucas: \u201cPie\u0137\u0113ru gan, tu meli! Atkal biji golfu sp\u0113l\u0113t!\u201d
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\nEs apbr\u012bnoju p\u0101vestu \u2013 vi\u0146am jau ir t\u016bre pa visu pasauli, kaut gan pat savu debijas albumu v\u0113l nav izdevis!
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\nVakar Valsts ie\u0146\u0113mumu dienest\u0101 bija ugunsgr\u0113ks. Ugunsdz\u0113s\u0113ji to nodz\u0113sa, pirms tas pasp\u0113ja nodar\u012bt v\u0113r\u0101 \u0146emamu labumu.
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Piedz\u0113ries v\u012brietis iestreipu\u013co bazn\u012bc\u0101 un dodas iek\u0161\u0101 gr\u0113ks\u016bdzes b\u016bdi\u0146\u0101. M\u0101c\u012bt\u0101js aps\u0113\u017eas b\u016bdi\u0146as sienas otr\u0101 pus\u0113 un gaida gr\u0113ks\u016bdzi, bet dz\u0113r\u0101js klus\u0113. P\u0113c p\u0101ris min\u016bt\u0113m m\u0101c\u012bt\u0101js z\u012bm\u012bgi noklepojas, bet reakcijas nek\u0101das. Visbeidzot vi\u0146\u0161 k\u013c\u016bst nepaciet\u012bgs un pieklauv\u0113 pie sienas, kas \u0161\u0137ir abas kab\u012bnes. Dz\u0113r\u0101js nu beidzot ierun\u0101jas: \u201cNo klauv\u0113\u0161anas nek\u0101da labuma neb\u016bs! \u0160aj\u0101 pus\u0113 ar\u012b tualetes pap\u012bra nav!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5593"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5593"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5593\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5674,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5593\/revisions\/5674"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5593"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5593"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5593"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}