{"id":5453,"date":"2015-04-01T20:00:23","date_gmt":"2015-04-01T18:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/?p=5453"},"modified":"2015-03-31T15:06:04","modified_gmt":"2015-03-31T13:06:04","slug":"anekdotes-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/?p=5453","title":{"rendered":"Anekdotes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Kad pasniedzu sievietei brokastis gult\u0101, tas, ko ilgojos dzird\u0113t visvair\u0101k, ir vienk\u0101r\u0161s paldies. Nevis: \u201cSasod\u012bts, k\u0101 tu tiki iek\u0161\u0101 man\u0101 m\u0101j\u0101?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nVai tie\u0161\u0101m vis\u0101m pasaules sieviet\u0113m ir klaustrofobija? Goda v\u0101rds, visas bez iz\u0146\u0113muma kr\u012bt panik\u0101, kad ir iesl\u0113gtas manas ma\u0161\u012bnas bag\u0101\u017eniek\u0101.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nMans pazi\u0146a, kur\u0161 vienm\u0113r ir augst\u0101s dom\u0101s par savu intelektu, pazi\u0146oja, ka vien\u012bgais p\u0101rtikas produkts, kas var likt cilv\u0113kam raud\u0101t, ir s\u012bpols. Es neiztur\u0113ju un iesviedu vi\u0146am sej\u0101 kokosriekstu.<!--more--><br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nEs l\u016bdzu Dievam ma\u0161\u012bnu gadiem ilgi, bet k\u0101 man t\u0101s nebija, t\u0101 nebija. Tagad es saprotu, ka ar Dievu ir j\u0101apietas cit\u0101di. Es zogu ma\u0161\u012bnas un l\u016bdzu Dievam piedo\u0161anu.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\n\u201cM\u012b\u013c\u0101, es tie\u0161\u0101m alkoholam vienm\u0113r saku n\u0113! Vi\u0146\u0161 vienk\u0101r\u0161i man\u012b neklaus\u0101s!\u201d<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nK\u0101d\u0113\u013c blond\u012bni atlaida no darba ban\u0101nu plant\u0101cij\u0101?<br \/>\nJo vi\u0146a visus, kas bija saliekti, izmeta \u0101r\u0101.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nDivi tikko uzcelti sniegav\u012bri st\u0101v m\u0101jas pagalm\u0101. Viens saka otram: \u201cEs piekr\u012btu, tas tie\u0161\u0101m ir d\u012bvaini \u2013 ar\u012b es visu laiku sao\u017eu burk\u0101nus.\u201d<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nNeesmu run\u0101jis ar sievu 18 m\u0113ne\u0161us. Man vienk\u0101r\u0161i nepat\u012bk vi\u0146u p\u0101rtraukt.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nSaruna pie \u0101rsta.<br \/>\n\u2013 Dakter, lai kur es sev pieskartos, man s\u0101p.<br \/>\n\u2013 Ko j\u016bs ar to gribat teikt?<br \/>\n\u2013 Kad pieskaros savam plecam, man s\u0101p. Kad pieskaros v\u0113deram, man atkal s\u0101p. Kad pieskaros pierei \u2013 sasod\u012bts, k\u0101 s\u0101p!<br \/>\n\u2013 Jums nav ien\u0101cis pr\u0101t\u0101, ka varb\u016bt esat salauzis r\u0101d\u012bt\u0101jpirkstu?<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nBlond\u012bne: \u2013 Dakter, man s\u0101k s\u0101p\u0113t acis katru reizi, kad dzeru t\u0113ju.<br \/>\n\u0100rsts: \u2013 N\u0101kamreiz, pirms s\u0101kat dzert, pam\u0113\u0123iniet iz\u0146emt t\u0113jkaroti no kr\u016bzes.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nNopratin\u0101\u0161ana tiesas z\u0101l\u0113.<br \/>\nAdvok\u0101ts: \u2013 Dakter, pirms veic\u0101t autopsiju, vai p\u0101rbaud\u012bj\u0101t pacienta pulsu?<br \/>\n\u0100rsts: \u2013 N\u0113.<br \/>\nAdvok\u0101ts: \u2013 P\u0101rbaud\u012bj\u0101t, vai miru\u0161ais elpo?<br \/>\n\u0100rsts: \u2013 N\u0113.<br \/>\nAdvok\u0101ts: \u2013 Tad varb\u016bt tom\u0113r past\u0101v iesp\u0113ja, ka miru\u0161ais \u012bsten\u012bb\u0101 bija dz\u012bvs?<br \/>\n\u0100rsts: \u2013 Ap\u0161aubu. Vi\u0146a smadzenes jau bija iz\u0146emtas un atrad\u0101s uz sekcijas galda.<br \/>\nAdvok\u0101ts: \u2013 Pat ja pacientam nebija smadze\u0146u, atz\u012bstiet, past\u0101v neliela iesp\u0113ja, ka vi\u0146\u0161 tom\u0113r bija dz\u012bvs!<br \/>\n\u0100rsts: \u2013 Ziniet, jums taisn\u012bba. Vi\u0146\u0161, iesp\u0113jams, bija dz\u012bvs \u2013 un str\u0101d\u0101ja par advok\u0101tu.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nK\u0101du v\u012brieti aplaupa, piekauj un atst\u0101j gu\u013cam uz ielas. Gar\u0101m iet vik\u0101rs. Ieraudz\u012bjis gulo\u0161o, saviebjas un p\u0101riet ielas otr\u0101 pus\u0113. P\u0113c br\u012b\u017ea gar\u0101m iet advok\u0101ts, noliek gulo\u0161ajam blakus savu viz\u012btkarti un dodas t\u0101l\u0101k. Visbeidzot gar\u0101m iet soci\u0101lais darbinieks. Vi\u0146\u0161 apst\u0101jas, uzman\u012bgi nop\u0113ta gulo\u0161o un nop\u016b\u0161as: \u201cTam, kur\u0161 to nodar\u012bja \u0161im nabaga v\u012brietim, ir tie\u0161\u0101m nepiecie\u0161ama pal\u012bdz\u012bba\u2026\u201d<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\n\u0100rsts pacientam: \u2013 Oper\u0113jot j\u016bsu acis, mums izdev\u0101s vienu izgl\u0101bt. Pacients aizkustin\u0101ts: \u2013 Dakter! Pat nevaru aprakst\u012bt, cik pateic\u012bgs esmu!<br \/>\n\u0100rsts: \u2013 B\u016bs jau labi. Medm\u0101sa \u0161obr\u012bd aci iesai\u0146o, kad dosieties prom, var\u0113siet to sa\u0146emt.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nK\u0101du dienu \u0160erloks Holmss un Vatsons sp\u0113l\u0113 tenisu. P\u0113k\u0161\u0146i Vatsons pamana mobilo telefonu, kas k\u0101dam izkritis un gu\u013c tenisa korta vid\u016b.<br \/>\n\u2013 Skaties, Holms, tur gu\u013c telefons!<br \/>\n\u2013 Un ko tu man vari par \u0161o telefonu past\u0101st\u012bt, Vatson?<br \/>\n\u2013 Telefonam ir daudz skrambu. T\u0101tad \u012bpa\u0161nieks ir diezgan pavir\u0161s.<br \/>\n\u2013 Labi, v\u0113l kas?<br \/>\n\u2013 Telefona modelis ir diezgan novecojis. \u0160\u0137iet, \u012bpa\u0161niekam ir probl\u0113mas pierast pie jauniem atkl\u0101jumiem. Tas neliek augstu v\u0113rt\u0113t vi\u0146a intelektu.<br \/>\n\u2013 Ticami, \u013coti ticami. Varb\u016bt v\u0113l ko vari secin\u0101t?<br \/>\n\u2013 Izskat\u0101s, ka telefona fona att\u0113ls nav nomain\u012bts kop\u0161 nopirk\u0161anas. Visdr\u012bz\u0101k, \u012bpa\u0161nieks to pat nem\u0101k izdar\u012bt un nav \u012bpa\u0161i rado\u0161s.<br \/>\n\u2013 Lieliski, Vatson! Apbr\u012bnojami prec\u012bza anal\u012bze! Tagad pacel savu telefonu un turpin\u0101sim sp\u0113li!<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nBoss jaut\u0101 savam darbiniekam:<br \/>\n\u2013 Vai tu tici dz\u012bvei p\u0113c n\u0101ves?<br \/>\n\u2013 J\u0101.<br \/>\n\u2013 T\u0101 jau man \u0161\u0137ita. Vakar, kad biji pa\u0146\u0113mis br\u012bvdienu, lai dotos uz br\u0101\u013ca b\u0113r\u0113m, vi\u0146\u0161 bija ien\u0101cis tevi apmekl\u0113t.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nPusaudze, beigusi pusotru stundu run\u0101t pa telefonu, beidzot noliek klausuli.<br \/>\n\u2013 Oho, &#8211; koment\u0113 t\u0113vs, &#8211; tas nu gan bija \u0101tri, vai no tevis m\u0113\u0123in\u0101ja tikt va\u013c\u0101?<br \/>\n\u2013 N\u0113, &#8211; atbild pusaudze, &#8211; nebija beig\u0101s \u012bsti par ko run\u0101t: nepareizajam numuram piezvan\u012bju.<br \/>\n<center><span style=\"color: red;\">*<\/span><\/center><br \/>\nKad v\u012brietis atver sievietei ma\u0161\u012bnas durvis, var b\u016bt dro\u0161s tikai par vienu lietu: vai nu vi\u0146am ir jauna ma\u0161\u012bna, vai jauna sieviete.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kad pasniedzu sievietei brokastis gult\u0101, tas, ko ilgojos dzird\u0113t visvair\u0101k, ir vienk\u0101r\u0161s paldies. Nevis: \u201cSasod\u012bts, k\u0101 tu tiki iek\u0161\u0101 man\u0101 m\u0101j\u0101?!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5453"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5453"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5453\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5561,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5453\/revisions\/5561"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zurnalsiepirkumi.lv\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}